“He was comin’ at me like a hoor on a honda” the immortal phrase uttered by a former classmate of mine in reference to some nonspecific drunken brawl which took place in the back streets of Dublin several years ago. It had lain dormant in the darkened recesses of my memory for all this time, till now a sudden stir of echoes and it resurfaces again into the light.
“Masaaaaaaaaaaaage, maasaaaaaaaaaaage?” Two young ladies in miniskirts and high heels suggestively straddling a revving motorbike pull up alongside me as I walk back to hostel through the streets of Ho Chi Minh. “Ah Im alright, thanks” I reply, undeterred the dark haired beauty on the back of the bike kicks her right leg far higher in the air than seemed nessecery, pivots impressively on the seat and leaps off the bike. Motioning she indicated that I am to take her place and allow the pouting driver to whisk me off to god knows where for purposes unknown.
My pace, which had begun as a brisk walk, then a gentle trot had picked up to a full blown sprint as the motohookers pursued me down the street mounting the footpath several times in an effort to cut me off.
Just prior to this encounter I had been drinking in some late night neon plasterd bar. Standing at one of the bar tables minding my own business, a small Vietnamiese girl catches my eyes and smiles over. Dancing with her friends she works her way over in my direction and grabs me by the elbow and pulls me into their group. Thoughts such as “Hey I must be some sort of super stud” began circling in my mind, just before her friend whispers in my ear, “you take her to hotel, you pay.” “Hmmm I should have guessed” as I back away her friend makes one desperate last-ditch attempt, clutching at my shirt, she screams “But she love you long time!” “Oh my god she didnt actually just say that did she?” ” I come too if you like?” It’s a steep learning curve in this part of the world.